Depression & Hell on Earth

Hi all, I'm writing this while on the verge of tears of frustration and anger at the dum, dummy, dunces that took Emma's tennis team photos. I've been trying to get a link to see them for two weeks now but apparently there is a monkey with a lobotomy running their site who can't get jack squat right. I just told them to forget it, I'll take my own damn pictures of her since they can't seem to let me see any of the proofs to order them. Jackholes!!!!!!!!!! Phew, that felt good.

OK, "why so long?" you may be wanting to scream at me. Let me tell you, it's incredibly difficult to muster up the will to do anything when you're soul is being crushed and you're in the middle of a deep depression. I know you all know I was working in Hell on Earth, but I don't think you knew how badly it was sucking me dry of my will to do anything. I even totally let go of the weight loss mission. But for the grace of God I didn't gain back any of the weight I had lost, but I was also not eating healthy and that made me feel even worse. Now that I'm away from there I am reminded not only why I went into the medical field (because God called me to do it) but also why I started this mission to eat healthier (because I love me and I want to feel good). Even in the midst of my depression I mostly tried to buy healthy food but we were going out to eat too often. I did, however, lessen our carb intake, put a ban on all fast food as well as stopped buying snacks that were sugar based. Kayleigh has lost about 10 pounds (she also has grown at least 6 inches in the last couple of months) and Emma (with the help of Tennis and daily smoothies) has lost 10% body fat. Greg also lost 20 pounds!!! I'm so proud of those guys. I'm most proud of the fact that K & Mimi have not even asked for fast food since a week after we stopped. I told them it's poison and they said "OK" and that was that. We did turn to Subway for emergency food stops but that's better than McDonalds!

So now that I feel better about my work future I'm focusing on my weight future. I've been making smoothies for breakfast (frozen fruit, kale, yogurt & water). "Kale?" you ask, yes my friends, I put a handful of kale and maybe some unsalted nuts if I have them around. If you overdo the kale it gets a little grassy, but that just makes me feel healthier. I've even suckered the kids into drinking them, not knowing what's in them but yummy fruit. I'm on a mission to feel better and I'm renewed with vigor and excitement. Today I implemented at home Vegetarianism, you can eat a cow if you're going out to eat, but at home it's all healthy stuff. Greg is skeptical but the kids are on board. I downloaded two apps on how to be a Vegetarian and they have some great recipes. I also talked to the kids' doctor and asked her what I need to watch out for. She said to give them a multivitamin and some calcium chews, done and done. One thing I have learned is that I need to buy my veggies as I need them, keep carrots and other snacking veg on hand but shop daily for meal ingredients, this saves money on wasted veg that doesn't get used. Tonight I made some almond pesto with fettuccine, zucchini & carrot "noodles". It was delicious. Kayleigh tried it but opted for beans but Mimi, Emma and even Greg ate it! I also gave them a proper portion of it but because there were the carrots and zucchini it was more filling. I was going to make cashew oatmeal cookies for dessert but forgot to get butter at the store. Oh well, I tried.

So that's where I'm at friends, I'm going to recharge the system and it will be Weight Watchers 2.0, ain't no stopping me now.

xoxo

$2 madness

OK friends, I know it's been a while, it seems like time is whipping by! So last week I took a $2 challenge, almost half of the world is in such poverty that they live on the equivalent of $2 US a day for EVERYTHING! Now I think we all know we could never live on $2 for all of our living expenses for a day, so I took the food challenge. I tried to do it for the whole family but in the end I was the last man standing. So this took much planning and research for recipes, but it was actually an eye opening experience that I quite enjoyed. The first day I had toast with a dab of almond butter for breakfast, PB&J sammie and an apple for lunch and a sammie for dinner too (didn't plan well that first day). All week I drank only half strength coffee and used one tea bag a day, didn't want to spend all my pennies on drinks! I was freaking HUNGRY on that first day so I did some recipe hunting. Armed with my meager monies I took to the grocery store and hunted for the cheapest fixins for a filling meal I could find. I decided to make crock pot lasagna! Not only was it super cheap (no meat), it came out so incredibly awesome it's now on the rotation as a favorite. It turned out to be $0.75/serving and it was satisfying. Notice how I didn't say filling because how filling can a piece of lasagna the size of half your palm be? The online consensus was to eat as many legumes as you can because they're filling and CHEAP. I made a pot of lentil soup from a little kit that was on sale for $1, that made four servings so it was only $0.25/serving, woot, woot. I was really getting the hang of this and after the second day I didn't notice the hunger anymore, it was just a mild wish I could have a tasty morsel or some other such delicious thing. One day I made stir fry with some frozen veg and $1 noodles I found on sale, another delicious meal that was cheap. I was the queen of the $2 a day thing! Then I realized I was not getting what I needed to out of the challenge. There was a light at the end of my tunnel, this was only a challenge, not a true way of life. I had the luxury of choosing higher quality foods than most people in true poverty can. I had a nice warm house full of stuff that I could rest comfortably in while my tummy growled, I wasn't in a drafty shack watching my children go hungry. Even though I lost three pounds that week I gained a better reality of how lucky I am to have all that I do. I also realized that even on my Weight Watchers I've been eating more than I need to just because I could. I was fine not having all kinds of snacks, I ate healthy with smaller portions and I didn't feel cheated. I have to say that I even faced TWO of the demon cakes that had been brought in to celebrate someone's 40 year anniversary and I didn't even flinch. There were a few people at work who went out of their way to make sure I knew they thought I was stupid for taking the challenge but I suspect they were more upset because they're evil ho bags who have no compassion (but that's just my opinion). This challenge opened my eyes to a different way of thinking, I can be a penny pincher and still feed my family well and have some left over money to buy a little something for the homeless woman who lives on the corner by my office, I bet she lives on $2 a day.

When you make a meal tomorrow, price out how much each thing you prepare costs and see if you can eat on just $2 for a day. It's a fun challenge to try for a little while but I'm very grateful I don't have to do it all the time. In fact, I've been very naughty lately and I need to get back on the straight and narrow. I'm actually scared to weigh myself, I've been eating like my old self, but there's always tomorrow, right? Hey, did I mention that I didn't eat that evil cake? That should count for something, right? Hells YES!!!! I really want a shamrock shake now but I'm going to ignore that too, so I'm already ahead of the game! Woohoo for me, death to desserts (except for the little bit of creme brulee I had a lunch today, hehehehe). I must go now, I need to switch the laundry and ignore the licorice that has wormed it's way into the house and keeps calling out to me. Last night it haunted my dreams and today it made sure it was front and center in the cabinet so I would want to turn it into a straw and drink my delicious tea through it, but alas I am a fighter and have turned away from it. Mmm, don't you love it when you turn it into a straw at the movies and it gets all melty and gross? yeah, me too, that's one of my favs. I also love it when it's all fresh and soft, mmmmm, red vines are tiny little ropes to hell. I am tempted to use them but I shall refrain.

xoxo
sugar lumps

Cake makes me quake

CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help me, I'm being hunted by the most delicious, moist, luscious marble cake with caramel filling and magical cream cheese frosting from the Beaverton Bakery. It taunted me from the corner of the lunch room yesterday and it's haunted my dreams, waking thoughts and desires ever since. I made the grave error of letting it lull me into a false pretense of "just have a tiny slice and you'll be satisfied." CAKE LIAR I now shout in my head, evil temptress of a pastry (is a cake a pastry?). I now know what a liar a cake can be and I'm fighting it's left over sugar trail in my blood. Did I mention that it had cream cheese frosting? That's my kryptonite, cream cheese frosting...mmmmm (drool pools on my shirt as I stare slack jawed at the computer just thinking about it).  I love you delicious cakey cake, you made me so happy and so miserable at the same time. you made my belly ache with an overload of sugar but my taste-buds danced a jig of joy. I took a major leap back in the war against sugar and I need to get my head back in the game. I think I need to break out the big guns and start telling myself that I'm going to die if I eat sugar or something like that. I have not lost any weight this week but I have not gained any either. I'm struggling with PTSD from the whole cake situation in the lunch room, but I'll get over it. I'm going to tough it out and go to a cake coveters workshop that will help me breath through the pain and come out the other side able to set foot in a room with a cake and not sweat buckets. No longer will  I hear "cake, cake, cakity cake..." when people talk to me. The cakes psychological warfare is being battled by myself and a whole slew of gluten free recipes that will probably be so horrible I'll lose my desire for baked goods. Fight delicious food with gross food that's my new mantra!

OK, I'm off to bed where I'll dream of sugar snap peas and broccoli trees. Until we meet again.

xoxo
Sgt. Sugar lumps

P.S. I forgot to mention that I only had a little slice at first, then I went back for a full slice and that's what made me want to roll around on the floor moaning with the injustice of such a beautiful thing making me feel so bad. I'm my own worst enemy!

Crock Pot Boot Camp

Good evening troops, I'm focusing today on the mess hall. By this I mean food and not the bit 'ol mess in my damn hall that nobody will clean up! Why do we have so many jackets and shoes?! Jeesh. Anywho, back to the mess hall food edition....

While on my journey to finding the thinner person within myself I have developed a deep love for my crock pot. Talk about an easy way to have healthy meals ready when you get home! On one of my recon missions I overheard a woman say that you can cook virtually any meat in the crock pot with just enough of your favorite sauce to cover the meat and set it for 8 hours on low. Hmmm. I went back to my bunker and started pondering this secret of the crock pot universe and decided I had to test this theory myself. I took my vehicle to the secret store of excess (Costco), bought some chicken, pasta sauce and veggies and set off back to the bunker. For this experiment I chose three different colors of bell peppers and a mixture of little heirloom squash, so darn cute. I cut them up, put them on the bottom, threw the chicken on the top and dumped the heart healthy pasta sauce over it all and set the crock pot to medium for 8 hours. When I woke up this morning my house smelled like an Italian restaurant and the sauce had turned into a soup with all the moisture from the veggies and steam. Damn son, this was the most tasty dish and it was only 3 points for two ladles full!! The chicken was so tender it fell apart and the veggies were perfect. Even Emma loved it which says a lot since she's no fan of chicken. I'm hooked on the easy crock pot inventions now. Tomorrow I'll do something with some chicken, teriyaki sauce, pineapple and maybe asparagus!

Now on to the real new from the battle front. I'm still struggling to hold back the sugar army. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time this time but it's kinda kicking my butt. I do really well with the fight and then I'll go nuts eating cinnamon lips from a Valentine's candy mix. We went through and made sure there was nothing to temp me, but we splurged on the candy and now I regret it. The good news is it was just a half a cup of mix. I need to eliminate the enemy, I'm going to brain wash myself in to just thinking I don't like sweets. I'll tell myself this over and over and hopefully I'll win the war. For now I just avoid as many of the sugar land mines as I can and go on about my day. Drinking green tea all day definitely helps, it's not sweet but the hot water makes me not crave the sweet so much. So if you see me marching across the battlefield with my trusty blue patterned canteen you'll know it's me marching farther away from the sugar army.

Until we meet again, keep up the good fight! I've met my next WW goal so now I'm on a mission to lose at least 5 pounds in the next couple of weeks. Root me on friends, when this war is over we'll have a ticker tape parade made from fruit leather and drink freshly blended smoothies with spinach sneaked into them! Always remember this, cans and boxes are not your friends, they disguise themselves as such but don't fall for it! They're just sugar disguised as "healthy" food, I fell for this trap and I won't see you do it too. Use the cans to throw them at your scale when you weigh yourself, it feels great!

Sgt. Sugar Lumps...out!
xoxo

Fight fat with a little Veggie soup!

Hello from the trenches. I don't really know how many days it's been since this war started, something like 14 days, maybe less, maybe more. It's hard to keep track of the days when you're at war. The sugar doesn't stop, it's everywhere I look. I am pleased to announce that even though the attacks keep coming I have now officially lost the pounds I put on during my vacation & the holidays so I'm back to 15 pounds down from the original starting weight. I'm hoping that I can keep tipping the scale in my favor. I fought the glorious fight with delicious veggie soup. I've been eating veggie soup every day for lunch during the week and lots of fruit and at night I eat a light meal so that's been helping take the weight off. I also read that green tea is great to help melt belly fat so I drink my one cup of coffee in the morning and green tea the rest of the day. Even if it does nothing for melting the fat it's way better than anything else I drink other than water. So it's a win win situation.
There's a woman at work who is doing the Medifast diet, she's been doing it since maybe a week or two after I started Weight Watchers and she's lost 25 pounds so far. Even thought I haven't lost as much as her I'm pretty proud that I've been able to make a steady decline without having to eat only dehydrated food and weird shakes. It's been eye opening learning to eat properly. Not that I'm perfect by any means, I do have a red velvet cheese cake sitting in my freezer right now, but you can't win a war without a little struggle.
OK warriors, I'm off to make my week's worth of veggie soup now, I'm going for a delicious Wonton soup this time. Mmmmmmm, mmmmm!

xoxo

Hello from the trenches

January 5, 2013....day three of my war against sugar. I'm hunkered down in my fox hole but I'm under a rapid fire attack and just trying to keep myself barricaded. The sugar is putting up a good fight and I haven't been as strong as I had hoped, I had to retreat a little this week (I say this as I'm pushing the Hot Tamales farther out of my reach). I'm regrouping, rebuilding my fortress and I'll start anew tomorrow. I'll be getting more rations tomorrow and will fortify my supply of fresh fruit and veggies. This war is going to be very tough and I'm going to take a beating, but it's a war worth fighting. I'm recruiting soldiers if any of you want to join my platoon. Oh, I have to go now, I sense a night attack coming, the hot tamales are chanting and jumping in their bag, I have to put down the computer and run away screaming. *whispering* I'll write again very soon to keep you updated on the war.

xoxo
Sgt. Sugar Lumps

It's 2013 and there are no flying cars yet!

Happy new year friends!! I can't believe it's already 2013. Do you remember when you were little and totally thought that by this time in the future we would have flying cars, houses that cooked for you and all the things they tempted us with in futuristic movies? I can tell you I never dreamed that it would still be so mundane, although technology is advancing quickly. So I'm going to do a quick recap on the year and continue back on my path to weight loss blogging. All in all this hasn't been the worst year ever. Our house didn't get robbed again, I got a new van and now I'm on my way to a healthier me. I feel like I've become a better person this year, I've put a lot of things in perspective and really determined what's important. As much as I love to shop and get new stuff, I have learned that the stuff we have is not important at all. Losing all our prized possessions last year made me realize that none of it was that important at all. The only things I lost that still make me sad are the pictures and heirloom jewelry that can't be replaced, I don't have any feelings of loss or sadness for anything else, even the stuff that wasn't replaced. On the bright side I'm awesome at backing my pics and stuff up now!! I learned that I'm a stronger person than I thought, I decided the show kindness and understanding to the woman at work who was making my life miserable and now we have a comfortable peace, I actually enjoy my job again! I realized that I'm not working to make her happy, I'm working to make my family's lives better so that makes it easy for me to be happy. Last but not least I've learned where the most delicious Mac & Cheese cart in town is so I can make a return trip and enjoy the decadence!! Happy 2013 y'all!

Now on the the real business....While in Orlando I only gained 2 lbs, woot, woot!! I was so relieved. Now for the bad news.... I got hooked on the sugar again! Ok, I can hear you all shouting "No! Say it ain't so!" but I'm coming clean. It all started with a Mickey Mouse shaped rice crispy treat (it's tradition, I always get one when I go to Disney parks!), then it's like the old comfortable coat of sugar addiction enveloped me. I really tried to say no, I even tried to be good when I came back and there were sugary treats all over my office from people baking every damn night and bringing in their poison. But it was too late, the seal had been broken and I've been struggling ever since. I think sugar addiction is harder to quit than any drug, there's no heroin added to bread or cereal, no meth or crack put in ketchup and drinks. You have to go out of your way to feed a drug addiction, you only need to open a cabinet and look at the ingredients in your most "healthy" snack and see that some form of sugar is added. So I'm back to square one and it's almost worse than before because I had a taste and it set me into a frenzy. So once again the cabinets have been cleared of anything overtly sugary (which thank goodness there wasn't much) and I did my shopping tonight and bought all fresh foods. As I sit here typing this I have a big pot of vegetable soup on the stove and the ingredients for sugar free pumpkin cookies standing by to be combined tomorrow. Maybe it will be easier this time since I've done it before. I'm optimistic and have the family dinners already planned and the new crock pot is itching to be started in the morning. So here we go again my friends, to date I have lost 12 pounds (it was 15 minus the two I gained in Orlando and the one I've gained since being back). Here's to 2013 kicking butt and minimizing my waist.

xoxo