Hello, hello, hello! I know, you're all thinking "where the heck did you go? Did you kill yourself after the depressing last post?" Nope, I'm still here fighting the monkey on my back. I'd also like to make the announcement that I am 8 pounds lighter than when I started Weight Watchers. Woot woot!
Now on to the informational portion of our meeting: Here's the low down on my video making status....it's a lot harder than anticipated. I can't have the camera on a tripod because I'm out of frame a bunch of the time. That means I must have a camera person, right? Well, I have a 7 year old helper and a 10 year old helper (the 14 year old would rather DIE than film me making a fool of myself). Both of my available helpers either want to join in the fun or are laughing so hard the camera is shaking and it looks like the Blair Witch Project. So I'm working on that for y'all. I want you all to be the first to know that I'm working on creating a new form of exercise that combines cardio, strength "training" and graceful movement. It's called spastic splendor and I discovered it while jumping around after dropping a can on my foot. I was holding two heavy cans and a can from the counter dropped on my foot. I immediately started jumping around flailing my arms, spinning in circles and chanting some very flattering words. After I stopped I noticed that I was out of breath, my arms were tired from flailing while holding cans and my thighs were starting to smart from doing some sort of squat/lunge jumping movement. I realized that this is a great way to let go of stress and get a good workout so I'm going to start holding classes in the play room for the kids to let out their inner spaz. I think I may even teach it to Emma's youth group on Mentor night, what a great way to bond with her and her friends, right?
Hey, have you seen those shaking your fat off machines? They're supposed to be equivalent to 1 hr in the gym for 20 minutes on this machine. They have them in some malls now, you can pay a fee and do your fat shaking right there for everyone to see!! It's like a train wreck, I feel sad for the people but I must to watch them shake their stuff. It's a stand on machine with rails that shakes so fast it's like...I don't know what it's like but I'm SOOOOOO tempted to try it just to say I did. Anywho, this thing makes all the flesh on your body shake like a glorious, rippling fiesta of flubber! I want to go to that party! All I can think of is how the helicopter do those peeps not get shaken baby syndrome? They're actually doing push ups on this thing and various poses that are supposed to work the different areas of your body and then when you're done it's like having sea legs on land. You walk all crazy like you're drunk! I tried to find a vibration fitness funny video on you tube but apparently it's a very serious business so I didn't find anything funny. What is this world coming to that we need to shake our fat off in 20 minutes at the mall? Who knows the brain damage this will cause, but then I'm so curious I must know what it's like. Hmmmm, if only it weren't smack dab in the middle of one of the biggest malls around I might try it out. If I had one of these at home I would use it and make all my phone calls during that time, how fun would it be to sound like you're talking through a fan all the time? I think I may have to do a post where I try all the crazy weight loss things I come across, like the vibration exercise and colonic that I've spoken of in a past post. I'm thinking of buying adult hippity hops and making that part of my exercise plan. Would that not be the most fun ever? Although I think a 41 year old woman hippity hopping down the road might be more embarrassing than letting a machine shake my fat for the world to see. Do I care? Well, yeah, kinda, but it sounds like so much fun :) Look, I'm smiling just writing about it.
Well folks, that's the word of the week, let me know if you see any funny exercise videos, I could use good chuckle at the expense of someone else.
xoxo
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Inside the mind of a fat person
Tonight I'm going to bring you into the secret world of a fat person's mind. Now there are many people out there who get all upset with the term "fat", I'm not putting myself and my kind down, I'm merely stating a fact. Maybe I've become desensitized by it from so many years of strangers and not so strangers calling me names, but I'm not offended by the word fat. Anywho, this is a little insight into what we think about on a daily basis.......
I wake up and start thinking about what I'm going to eat today. It's not obsessive (yet), it's just a quick "what's for breakfast?" As I make my way downstairs I start to think in earnest what I'm going to eat (here's where it starts to get obsessive). I have my coffee and decide if it's going to be cereal, a weight loss shake or a bagel. Now starts the struggle between what I want and what I know is better. I start bargaining with my points in my head, calculating what I can have for the rest of the day. It starts to get hard because I can feel myself starting to slide back into old habits so then I get all Srgt. Strict with myself and remind me what my goal is.
Lunch is easy peasy because it's almost always a black bean burger, I'm SO addicted to those things I can eat them all day every day. Once lunch is packed it's done so I don't obsess about it as much plus my job is crazy busy so there's no time to think about it. BUT, I sit in the break room which is filled with people who bring in food from the amazing restaurants that surround my clinic. That's hard sometimes because it smells so good I always want to eat the good stuff. Luckily my desire to not spend money on lunch is way stronger than my desire to go out so I go about my business. Once lunch is over it's the biggest struggle of the day...the commute home.
Here's where it gets 12 step program real. I'm exhausted and HUNGRY, it's usually 6pm and I still have an hour commute home (give or take 20 min). So now the struggle is on, I try to have an apple or large cup of water to curb my appetite, but that's not always helpful. So now I'm seriously obesssssssing over food. I want to stop SO badly at some fast food place and sneak a fatty treat. I think about it the whole time. Some days I even get off the freeway with the intent to get something, then I'll talk myself down and get home without incident. But I still have to get the kids, who have already eaten so now it would be so easy to get something fast. Do I do it? I'm driving home with the kids and the whole time they're telling me their stories of the day I'm thinking, "should I just stop?" the temptation is so strong but I struggle through. Last Friday I succumbed to the temptation but one day out of three weeks isn't so bad. Before I started this I was stopping almost every night and feeling like crap about myself so I would shove food in my face since I didn't care. When I sit at home I'm always thinking about food, trying to be all casual about it but it's always on my mind. When we go out somewhere it's always a struggle not to stop and get a meal, I just try think about what I have at home and how quick it would be to make something. For example, I didn't get home until 8am tonight and I wanted to get some food so badly. I was so close and just resisted. Then I was going to just have cereal then I decided I deserved more so I made some steamed veggies and pasta. I know it was late and you shouldn't eat late but I would rather eat something healthy late than a fatty meal. I felt so great about myself :) Weekends are so hard, I think about food and struggle with food for 18 hours a day for two straight days. It's exhausting!
Why am I telling you all this? Because I think it's important for people to really understand what a struggle losing weight is for a fat person. It's hard for everyone, I know, but I think for a fat peson it's easier to convince yourself it's never going to work because you always go back to bad habits and it seems like such an endless, unreachable goal. It feels like I'm an alcoholic who's trying to stay sober. I know I have to change my ways and it's not just going to be with food, it has to be psychological too, otherwise it won't work. I also wanted you to read this so you can turn to the person in your life who you know has struggled with weight or even yourself and give yourself a serious pat on your back. No matter what you weight loss goal or history is you're fighting your worst enemy (yourself) to get to your goal. You don't need to feel shame for struggling with food, the more you embrace it the easier it is to give yourself a break for being an addict. I'm not saying it's OK for me to be this way so I don't have to even try, I'm just saying it's OK for me to struggle, I'm human and I'm doing my best. My name is Sabrina and I'm a food addict. I struggle every day to keep myself on the healthy path. Some days I slip up but I don't let that get me down. When I slip I don't spiral, I don't allow myself to feel shame, I take a deep breath and tell myself that I'm going to do better next time. Last Friday I only had a burger, I didn't do the whole meal, now that's a BIG deal for me. I still made my points work and I held my head high. Even though Weight Watchers makes changing easier, it's still a struggle every. single. day.
This time I really mean it.
xoxo
I wake up and start thinking about what I'm going to eat today. It's not obsessive (yet), it's just a quick "what's for breakfast?" As I make my way downstairs I start to think in earnest what I'm going to eat (here's where it starts to get obsessive). I have my coffee and decide if it's going to be cereal, a weight loss shake or a bagel. Now starts the struggle between what I want and what I know is better. I start bargaining with my points in my head, calculating what I can have for the rest of the day. It starts to get hard because I can feel myself starting to slide back into old habits so then I get all Srgt. Strict with myself and remind me what my goal is.
Lunch is easy peasy because it's almost always a black bean burger, I'm SO addicted to those things I can eat them all day every day. Once lunch is packed it's done so I don't obsess about it as much plus my job is crazy busy so there's no time to think about it. BUT, I sit in the break room which is filled with people who bring in food from the amazing restaurants that surround my clinic. That's hard sometimes because it smells so good I always want to eat the good stuff. Luckily my desire to not spend money on lunch is way stronger than my desire to go out so I go about my business. Once lunch is over it's the biggest struggle of the day...the commute home.
Here's where it gets 12 step program real. I'm exhausted and HUNGRY, it's usually 6pm and I still have an hour commute home (give or take 20 min). So now the struggle is on, I try to have an apple or large cup of water to curb my appetite, but that's not always helpful. So now I'm seriously obesssssssing over food. I want to stop SO badly at some fast food place and sneak a fatty treat. I think about it the whole time. Some days I even get off the freeway with the intent to get something, then I'll talk myself down and get home without incident. But I still have to get the kids, who have already eaten so now it would be so easy to get something fast. Do I do it? I'm driving home with the kids and the whole time they're telling me their stories of the day I'm thinking, "should I just stop?" the temptation is so strong but I struggle through. Last Friday I succumbed to the temptation but one day out of three weeks isn't so bad. Before I started this I was stopping almost every night and feeling like crap about myself so I would shove food in my face since I didn't care. When I sit at home I'm always thinking about food, trying to be all casual about it but it's always on my mind. When we go out somewhere it's always a struggle not to stop and get a meal, I just try think about what I have at home and how quick it would be to make something. For example, I didn't get home until 8am tonight and I wanted to get some food so badly. I was so close and just resisted. Then I was going to just have cereal then I decided I deserved more so I made some steamed veggies and pasta. I know it was late and you shouldn't eat late but I would rather eat something healthy late than a fatty meal. I felt so great about myself :) Weekends are so hard, I think about food and struggle with food for 18 hours a day for two straight days. It's exhausting!
Why am I telling you all this? Because I think it's important for people to really understand what a struggle losing weight is for a fat person. It's hard for everyone, I know, but I think for a fat peson it's easier to convince yourself it's never going to work because you always go back to bad habits and it seems like such an endless, unreachable goal. It feels like I'm an alcoholic who's trying to stay sober. I know I have to change my ways and it's not just going to be with food, it has to be psychological too, otherwise it won't work. I also wanted you to read this so you can turn to the person in your life who you know has struggled with weight or even yourself and give yourself a serious pat on your back. No matter what you weight loss goal or history is you're fighting your worst enemy (yourself) to get to your goal. You don't need to feel shame for struggling with food, the more you embrace it the easier it is to give yourself a break for being an addict. I'm not saying it's OK for me to be this way so I don't have to even try, I'm just saying it's OK for me to struggle, I'm human and I'm doing my best. My name is Sabrina and I'm a food addict. I struggle every day to keep myself on the healthy path. Some days I slip up but I don't let that get me down. When I slip I don't spiral, I don't allow myself to feel shame, I take a deep breath and tell myself that I'm going to do better next time. Last Friday I only had a burger, I didn't do the whole meal, now that's a BIG deal for me. I still made my points work and I held my head high. Even though Weight Watchers makes changing easier, it's still a struggle every. single. day.
This time I really mean it.
xoxo
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