Captain's Log, Monday, 1/19/09

I want you to read this just as I am writing it, amid the sad and howling cries of 3 year old Mia yelling at me because I hurt her feelings (after all, I did just say she couldn't eat a whole milk chocolate statue of Santa). Try to imagine the howling in your head and you're right here with me (oh wait, hit yourself in the back with an Amelia Bedelia book and NOW you're right here with me).

So, to recap the past few days that I have failed to update you with my tribulations and triumphs I will start with this: Emma actually told me that she's LOVING living the way we have been. She likes that we don't eat fast food (she's always hated it) and loves eating together as a family. She even said that she likes not buying things she doesn't need. Huh?????? She's been turning down the offers from my Mom to take her shopping and get some cool new clothes. She said she doesn't actually need them so she'll pass. I offered for her to take me, but I'm not as cute as my kids.
Greg was given the gift of Fast Food the other day (paid for by his work since they sent him to watch over a crook in the hospital and didn't let him get his lunch) so he ate the food from Burger King and came home with a stomach ache. When I asked him if his icky stomach was enough to deter him from the fried food his reply was "Of course not, I'm like a heroine junky, it will make me sick, but I'll take it again the next time it's offered". Oh well, at least it didn't come out of our bank account and that's what's important.
I started working out with a trainer (on a regular basis) and I'm in muy, muy painful pain. Today I trained with Brandon (I wish his name was Derk or something really cool like that), let's just call him Sven from now on shall we? Yes, we shall. So I sweated so hard that we have a new lake here in Vancouver. Then I thought to myself "self, you have worked so hard over these last five or so days, you deserve the joy of a free coffee." So I went to Dutch Bros. where I have two, count 'em, TWO free punch card coffees coming to me. So I chose the double calorie fatspresso and drove on my merry way. I intended to eat lunch when I got home but then I went a little crazy clipping coupons (yeah, I'm that woman now) and forgot to eat. I spied a $9 inflatable exercise ball at Target that I HAD to have (bought it with my babysitting $$$), Sven taught me some exercises I can do at home with this handy, dandy ball. So we went to Target, via the Spa store where we HAD to buy some hot tub chemicals (we also scored some free popcorn and soda there, thank you Arctic Spas!). Now, by this time the free soda and popcorn had my belly a rumblin' and I spied and smelled some delicious TGI Fridays. I swear to the good Lord above that I was going to stop and get some vittles. I told Greg, "this is IT, I need food and we're gonna just stop". Then I remembered that Emma was at home and she would give me the lecture of my life and that evil, "I'm so disappointed in you" look that I always give her when she's behaving badly, so I didn't stop. I can't have an 11 year old showing more self control than I do. Boy was it hard, I WAAAANTED so bad, then to top it off we were in TARGET, the den of Satan himself. I forgot how lovely and desirable all the outdoor furniture is, I still want my back yard to look like a Bahamian paradise. Stop biting your nails y'all, we only bought the $9 ball, two $1 shower puff scrubby things and a $.99 binder (for my coupons). Oh, I forgot that I did splurge on a tin of mints. All this for only $14 and change.

Oh, I totally forgot to tell you that we had our first "dinner party" the other night. We had fajitas (ole`) and it was good. Then I proceeded to beat the pants off (no not really, it wasn't THAT kind of party you filthy minded people) of anyone who dared to challenge me at Sing Star. Hello Adam and Emily, yes, I'm talking 'bout YOU! I know how to make a good almost first impression after 10 years of not seeing these friends. So if anyone dares to challenge me, the Sing Star Empress, I welcome you to my home. I don't claim to have a good voice in any way, shape or form, I'm pretty sure you all know I can barely carry a tune, but I have what it takes to win. Being "poor" is pretty fun.

Now in conclusion, I would like to reprimand you all, not one of you told me how my eyes are like pools of mossy water. Nobody even patted me on my cyber back, even after my shameless pleas for cudos. I guess I know how much you all really care now. It's OK, I'm just going to continue to use bad grammar and punctuation just to drive those of you who care enough to notice, crazy.

TTFN