I'm back, and do I have a story for you!!!

Some of you have asked me why it's been a week since my last blog post, well my darling friends, let me tell you (in all honesty), I couldn't even lift my arms for three days. Yeah, Sven murderized my arms so badly that I LITERALLY could not even bend those suckers. I had to sleep in my bra one night because I couldn't unsnap it!!! You have never been so humbled as you are when you have to ask your 11 year old daughter to help you take your bra off and to help put it on (sorry Emma, yes, mommy will pay for therapy when you're older). I'm not talking your average soreness, I felt like I had major surgery on my arms and I spent two days sitting on the recliner crying off and on. The only thing that saved me from gorging on pain healing foods like pizza and ice cream, etc. was the fact that I couldn't bend my arms far enough to shove food in my pie hole more that I absolutely needed to for sustaining my pathetic (at that time) life. So I guess I owe it to Sven for helping me to lose that pound last week. Man, that was some painful pain. OK, so now I'm back and badder than ever! After what I'm about to tell you, I think I should officially change this Blog from just a money saving life experiment to a place where I will tell you all the gory details of saving money AND my gym going experiences, because I think there will be many an entertaining tale to be told.

On to the big story of the day..... the other day I was looking at the Biggest Loser website and saw that they were taking applications and I thought I might be a good candidate. Then I thought to myself "Fabulous" (that's what I call myself) "Fabulous, you would RULE these fatty's, you could be the Queen of the fat people!" Then I sat there and pondered how well I would do during the horrendous work out sessions and I though that maybe I wouldn't do so well since I'm a bit of a whiner. Then I saw a commercial where the trainer was yelling at a woman who said she couldn't do anymore and he said "YES YOU CAN, JUST DO IT!!". I don't do very well with people yelling at me but if it's for health maybe I can deal with it. So today I had a session with Sven and I vowed to suck it up and just tough it out to see if I can put mind over matter. Today was leg day and I was all cocky (before it began), I did my 20 minutes on the treadmill, I even had it up to 3.0 in speed and 1.5 on the incline (after all, I was only going on a forest trek, not climbing mountains). I did my time and trotted downstairs to meet Sven and start my work out. He quickly took my challenge to not whine and to push through the fatigue as a challenge and he kept adding weight to the machines. I did squats, I did thigh pushy upy things, I did glute lifts and I was AWESOME. Ladies and gentlemen, I worked through the pain and fatigue and I only swore a couple of times! I also noticed that my face was turning a very unusual shade of purplish red and my head was a little dizzy what with my heart pounding so hard you could see it through my shirt. So I was being all AWESOME and panting and heaving in a very attractive manner (everything I do is attractive people!). Then it was the last ten minutes of the work out and Sven asked me to lie on my back and put my feet on top of the yoga ball and lift my hips in an upward humping motion. Who doesn't want to put that sort of image out there on a find Monday morning? Weeeeeeellllll, my head started to spin and my stomach started doing the cha cha (not good). I told Sven that I thought I needed a break and he looked scared (don't know why, doesn't everyone turn greenish, purplish red during a work out?). Then I told Sven that I had to visit the bathroom (but I think I said it in a way more desperate and panicked tone of voice). I got to the bathroom and the damn new fangled gym didn't put the toilets in a convenient place, I seriously could NOT find them!!!!! I ran around (the first time I've run in years) the locker room squealing "where are the flippin' TOILETS?????" and a wonderful woman said, "they're through that door". Phew, right? WRONG!!! The most stupid of stupid of gym designers decided that their toilets are apparently sooooo precious that they need to put them behind a LOCKED door where you have to stop and calmly punch in a pin number to get through. WTF y'all? They had the stupid code posted on the wall so what the helicopter is the point of locking the door if you're giving EVERYONE the key?????!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to calm down, punch in 111 (that's the code in case you're ever in the Cascade Park LA Fitness and have to pee) and I barely made it to the toilet before I hurled all over the darn place!!!!!!!! Yeah, I totally PUKED like I was on a trip to Las Vegas with Sharon, Kim and Natalie and I had the stomach flu! Now I really am like those Biggest Loser folks who throw up during a work out. I was so loud that there were three women who were staring at me when I cam out (can you say embarrassing?), so now I'm the only fat bulimic in town! To top it all off I had to go back and face Sven who knew I totally just puked and I had to tell him that I'm a big wuss and had to stop for the day. He felt bad for working me so hard, but it's my fault for not drinking enough water. Now I get to go back and face Sven next week with him always afraid I'm gonna puke again. I'm so awesome. This is all on the heels of my having FLASHED Sven and all the other people in the gym last week when I stupidly wore a V neck shirt with a deep V. My tata's were hanging out for all to see, that was embarassing too!!! I think the gym will be a place of deep humiliation and pain for me, but it's worth it.

TTFN!