Target......my old friend and new FO

The day started out as any other, normal day. I went to my mom's house to offer my vast labor experience for a $30 espresso machine. When I got there everything seemed normal, dad was eating breakfast (don't think I didn't notice that you hadn't brewed a pot of coffee in anticipation of my arrival DAD!), mom was watching TV and Mia was at school. I sat down to chit chat and mom said to me "I need to go to Target to get more containers". I quickly searched the ads in the paper and saw that BiMart had their containers at a better price than Target and quickly pointed this out. BiMart is a ghetto store that has everything from Hunting guns & gear to paint, baby stuff and some canned goods, it's good for lots of things, but I'm never really tempted there, I just get what I came for and leave. But NOOOOOOO, mom wants to go to Target because they had some soap she wanted. GREAT! We stopped at Starbucks on the way and I got a FREEEEEE new Tea Latte that they had a coupon for in the paper (I have three of these wonderful free coupons, thank you Starbucks!), so things were looking good. I was sipping my delicious free freebie and life was good. Purses were up first and I was strong and occupied with my drink. Accessories next, still good (I was wearing my fabulous new earrings from Santa), clothes-pass, etc. UNTIL...Outdoor home furniture. I WAAAAANT; I WANT, I WANT, I WANT SO FLIPPIN' BAD!!! I told my mom that I couldn't go into that area and she said (and I'm paraphrasing) "too bad, I'm the devil and I will lead you into temptation!" or something like that. Sorry mom, but I heard the bus coming and decided to throw you under it to take the focus off of my greed. Why is everything so CUTE? I want to make my backyard and bathrooms a Bahamian paradise! My head started hurting and I actually started to whine right there in the middle of the aisle. I rolled along chanting "I want, I want..." and pointing at the things that I wanted. It think the only thing I didn't want was the horn (yeah, it looked like a hollowed out bull horn) on a stand. If you go to Target, you'll see it and you won't want it either. If you do want it, well, then, I'm sorry you have bad taste. Although I bet I could fill it with a big drink and forget all about all the stuff I wanted at Target. My mom was a little irritated and rolled her eyes at me, but what the hootinany would SHE know about not buying everything, or even anything that you want? Can I get a witness here friends? (you have to know her to understand. Sorry mom.) So anyway, I strolled through the rest of the visit all twitchy and irritable (my free freebie was gone, darn me for gulping). I ended up digging through my coupon ziploc to get out my handy dandy Electrosol coupon and I got a honkin' huge box of detergent for only $2.50, thank you Sunday paper! I also got some dog ear wipes that were on clearance so Dumb Dog could hear again. Well, she's not dumb, she's actually pretty smart since she mostly ignores what I'm saying and looks at me like I don't speak her language. I would ignore me too. I also picked up toilet paper, but forgot that I had put it in the cart and mom actually ended up buying it. What?! My mind was still on the list of things I wanted! Then the check out lady jokingly called mom's dog a rat and mom (aka the DEVIL) started breathing fire and got into a heated discussion about how her dog is not a rat, he's cute. This went back and forth a few times, mom got all twitchy this time and as we were rolling to the car she lost her full mind. For the record, Wally is NOT a rat, OK? I made her take one of my emergency stress pastilles (a fancy name for jelly candy) that I bought for just this type of situation. This was funny and made me forget (mostly) that I had a mini breakdown in Target and have no plans of entering those doors any time soon. Just like I can't go into a coffee shop and not get a coffee, I'm not ready to go into stores like that yet.

I would like to clarify that when I say I was "rolling" in the above story, I mean that that I was pushing the cart and IT was rolling. I do NOT mean that I laid down on the floor and started rolling around and chanting "I want, I want.." etc. I may be strange sometimes (like Kim and Sharon pushing me in a shopping cart through downtown San Jose,then crashing me into the curb so the whole darn thing crashed down on me), but I've grown up a lot and would never dream of making such a public display of craziness in a major chain store. Anymore. Sorry Natalie.