Bina, Warrior Princess & Great Defender

Ohhhh friends, do I have a story for you today!!! You're gonna need some tissue's because you'll be laughing so hard you'll be cryin'.

It all started out with my gums hurting from my multitude of root canals, I think they're getting infected but I'm very resistant to going back on antibiotics and I most certainly do not want to take more vicodin, I feel like it's definitely changing my personality for the worse, I'm way more agitated than usual and I think it's because of the dope. Soooo, last night I went to bed and watched the Millionaire Matchmaker (it's my secret shame) and a couple episodes of the Real Houswives of whichever city they're doing now. Anywho, I was having trouble sleeping due to my gums giving me some trouble and I decided to take a dose (or two) of Tylenol PM. I was sleeping ever so soundly, but due to the incredible gift of "mommy hearing" I was awakened by a distant ' thump, thump, thump'. At first I wasn't sure if it was my dream or not so I lifted my head off the pillow and waited, silently poised to catch the sound if it happened again. Sure enough I heard it again. What to do? Do I wake up Greg who has to be up at 4:30am, or do I summon my inner warrior princess and investigate on my own? I chose the latter. I got out of be every so quietly so as not the arouse the suspision of the person/people who are making this noise. I gently tiptoed across the bedroom floor, like Bugs Bunny sneaking up on Elmer Fud. Tippity, tippity, toe; pause........... tippity, tippity, toe; pause............. all the while thinking "Man, I am so womanly and brave righ now!" I made it to the doorway of our room and I slowly peeked my head around the corner to see if there was anyone at the door (just like Scooby and/or Shaggy did to see if the monster had passed them by). Nobody at the door, but I still heard the 'thump, thump, thump'. I decided to search further and looked around for a weapon. I grabbed the first thing I found on the floor (since I have no sons, therefore no baseball bats) my weapon turned out to be a purple Hannah Montana belt with those little silver pyramid shaped "spikes" on it. Noooo, don't you groan, much to my relief this particular belt has a very weighty, heavily blinged out metal guitar on the end of it! It was the perfect weapon, I could potentially poke the eye out of the intruder, or at the very least give him/her a pretty nasty scratch that might very well get infected later on down the road. Oh yeah, I was ready to roll. I've seen enough Indiana Jones movies to know how to use my belt weapon effectively! Now please don't forget that I literally rolled out of bed for this excursion and apparently the outfit of choice for all the Indiana Jones style warrior princesses is an old Girl Scout Camp shirt and a baggy pair of maternity underwear. Oh, don't forget the blinged out purple guitar belt for protection! I slowly and quietly descended the stairs, then I started snorting and laughing as I realized what I must look like, I was also a little tipsy from the sleeping pills so at that point there was almost no stopping me it was all over then and I almost peed myself. I detoured to the bathroom, not daring to turn the light on because I thought I might die laughing. At this point I no longer heard the thumping and was pretty sure that my intimidating uniform must have scared the intruder away. I realized that the Notorious D.O.G. had not made a sound during this whole ordeal, but she was looking at me like I was crazy, then she put her head down and went back to sleep. Does that mean she's immune to my insanity? OK, so I went back upstairs after checking the windows and doors, nothing unlocked. I got back into bed and I heard the distant 'thump, thump, thump' again. This time I double checked the girls and they were asleep. As I walked through the mine field of Polly Pocket type toys back to my room I heard the noise again. I stood at the foot of the bed waiting for it again when I noticed that Greg was sleeping with his arm up, fingers against the head board and as he slept his fingers moved ever so slightly making a 'thump, thump, thump' noise. I burst out laughing at this discovery and Greg gasped, asked me what I was doing (very iritated like) and said "Go to sleep!". He has no recolection of this incident so he was very amused to be the proof reader of this post and have all his suspicions that I'm a total whack job confirmed.
So this was a story I had to share because I still find it so amusing.

P.S. My mom gave me a $50 Target gift card for Mother's day and I'm totally ashamed to say that I spent it on Downey, clothes for Mia, pens for the desk and a lamp shade. I'm so pathetic! Now my opportunity was wasted and I have great regret. That's what I get for going shopping while extremely agitated, I was depriving myself of home good treasures because I was mad at someone and I was going to show THEM! Stupid girl. I get what I deserve for being a brat. So let this be a lesson to you all, depriving yourself of things to prove a point is NEVER the right thing to do. Indulge my friends, rub it in the faces of the stinky people who make you mad. Now I have to think about what could have been every time I do the laundry. *sigh* You learn something new every day.