My big debut

Oh man you guys, this is the big test. I told my coworker Toni that I would meet her at LA Fitness on Saturday and take the aerobics class with her! I'm FREAKING out! I know you think I exaggerate how I look while working out, but that is one thing I don't do justice to. I'm being totally serious when I say that I turn bright red and start gasping for air like a fish on the floor. So I warned Toni that she might get a little embarrassed and I understand if she pretends she doesn't know me once I start my out of rhythm two stepping and flailing. I'm excited and full of dread at the same time. She even suggested we do Zumba together, but I'm afraid we all know what that means. I told her to slow down her horses, let's just get through this one class first before you decide you want to be seen exercising with me. So Toni told me the class starts at 8:45am (yes, I said AM!), and she told me to get there at 8:15 and we can run on the treadmill "for a minute". Um, pardon me, I'm not trying to be rude here, but is that not 30minutes? Hmmm? There's a big difference between "a minute" and 30 MINUTES! If I "run" for "a minute" I'm gonna be donezo, ready to be outsky if you know what I mean. For a fat person, or should I rephrase that to an actively shrinking person, 30 minutes of running is equivalent to a fit person climbing Mt. Everest. Are you picking up what I'm laying down? Give me "a minute" to get acclimated to an active lifestyle again woman! So my first exercise video shall be taped tomorrow night as I try to prepare for my big aerobics in public debut.

Now on to the exciting news.......after my first week on Weight Watchers I have lost 2 pounds (that's fully clothed w/shoes on too, so maybe it's more like 4pounds)! Yay me! I can only imagine how much faster it will come off once I'm exercising regularly. Woot, woot! I really must tell you that I'm enjoying Weight Watchers (no, they're not paying me to say that. In fact, I'm paying THEM!) it makes life a whole lot easier and I just keep a log of what I eat using their handy app! The only bad thing is I just found out that my beloved Coffee Mate Pumpkin Spice creamer has the same amount of points in 4 tablespoons as a bowl of cereal with milk! Psst, that's a lot for those of you not in the know, it's the same as my breakfast. I'm very sad but I have to switch to a less delicious flavor that's fat free and other healthier things. Cuz even thought I get a lot of points now, due to my weight, as I lose it I will get less points and I ain't wasting them on 4 measly tablespoons of creamer!

Alright, I'm gonna leave you with this one funny work story. Yesterday I was working with a resident who is a very young, very good looking boy (26 years old). My coworker roomed one of his patients and told him she was ready for him to go in the room. A few minutes later we hear him exclaim "Oh MY! Wow, um OK." as he entered the room then he closed the door. After 30 minutes in the room he came out and asked my coworker "Did you tell that woman to take her pants off?" my coworker said "Dude, no way, why would I tell her to do that?" then she said "wait, were her pants off?" He said yes, she was completely nude from the waist down. The funny part is that she was there for shortness of breath and heart palpitations, nothing that would require him to need to see her schmuzzie! She told the nurse that she thought the doctor was hot! Who does stuff like that?!

Have a great day/night/morning/whatever :)

xoxo

I'm not sure anyone reads these posts anymore,but I'm gonna keep on keeping on with the writing. So last week I did well with adding more activity to my lifestyle but didn't do the gym, I just can't drag myself out of bed at 5am when I don't even get to bed until 12 or 1! Next pay day I'll buy my way out of my contract and move to LA Fitness (pinkie promise). So as I was chugging along I realized that I need to be more aware of the food I'm eating. I totally noticed that I was finding more and more excuses to eat crap late since I don't get home until late and the kids have already had dinner at my parents. So I started a food diary. Now talk about a scary freakin' story! My food diary made me laugh, it made me cry, it had me on the edge of my seat (but not in a good way). Did I seriously eat a whole bag of rice puff chip things? YES! Just because they're "good for you" doesn't mean eating 10 servings is OK! ERMAGHERD, no WONDER I'm not losing any weight!!! I was eating so bad at night that I totally undid anything good I did during the day. And as long as I'm being honest here I may as well say that I even cheated on my diary. WHAT?! Who the flip and I cheating for? I'm the only one who's gonna read the damn thing and I'm trying to impress myself with how healthy I ate! I was blowing smoke up my own butt, how ridiculous is that? So I called in the big guns.....I joined Weight Watchers online. I'm doing it with a coworker (who is a major health Nazi). Toni (my coworker) is a cancer survivor who has lost a bunch of weight using weight watchers and she's definitely an inspiration. She works out in the morning and then again after work. So I've been a member for two days and this crazy woman is already giving me the mom eyes. This morning she said "So, did you do it? Hmmmm?" (she was asking if I joined the club) I said "I sure did!" and then she gave me those mom eyes that say "Aw hells no, I KNOW you're lying to me right now! What kind of fool do you think I am?" She had her head all tilted to one side, lips pursed, eyebrows raised trying to get me to admit I was lying. I said "YES! I totally joined!" and she said "Mmm hmmm". This all happened in the 30 seconds it took me to walk by her desk with a patient on my way to a room. So then I started justifying myself to the poor patient who was barely standing upright, shuffling along trying to make it to the scale. I was all "Jeesh, did you see that? She's trying to call me out! I joined Weight Watchers yesterday and she doesn't believe me!" The poor lady I was talking to was just looking at me and her daughter said "She can't hear you, and yes, by the way, I did see her giving you that face." THANK YOU! I knew it! So then I started muttering to myself that I'm a 41 year old woman, I don't need to answer to HER. Then I finished with my patient and immediately went to my desk, got my tablet and showed mommy, I mean Toni, my online account. This got a smile from her so I felt like I got my praise for the day. The awesome news is I used to do WW many moons ago and it totally worked, until I stopped and went back to my bad ways, but it came back to me so quickly how flipping easy it is. Especially now with everything being online. So after each meal/snack I just log it through my app on the tab and I'm done, no more adding stuff up on paper and figuring everything out manually, it's already in the system and if its not I can scan a bar-code on a package and find out the points, easy peasy.

So to recap my progress thus far, I have:
-Started drinking two glasses of water before each meal (getting plenty of water now!)
-Started drinking a glass of milk at night when I feel like a snack (curbs the cravings!)
-Started Weight Watchers and am keeping a food journal (lost weight from sobbing so hard reading the journal!)
-Continuously lied to you about working out more (not happy about that but I can change it!)
-Not lost more than 6 pounds, but am feeling very hopeful now! Plus, 6 pounds in a month and a half isn't shameful, it's around a pound a week. I'll get better.

OK, this is the end, but I was thinking about starting a photo timeline to go along with this. You know, along the line of the before an after Jenny Craig photos, but this would be a bi-weekly photo of my progress, or monthly, what do you think? No, you can open your eyes, I won't be in a sports bra and bike shorts!!!!! But it will have to be something kinda clingy I guess, even though I may die just having that documented in photos. I was also thinking if I post a weekly workout montage video of different at home workouts I do it might give you some entertainment and make me more accountable to work out. Let me know what you think.

xoxo

I am Nemo

OK, so I just have to share a story that is HORRIFYING and has nothing to do with the point of this blog, but I'm thinking that all the experiences I have in life make my successes or less than successes. So here it goes. * Insert wavy lines leading you back into my memory~then camera focuses clearly on this scene* Me, in a bathroom with an elderly woman (for this story we'll call her Beulah because I want to) in a wheel chair. Beulah cannot use the restroom by herself so I've offered to help a sista out. Memories of my short tenure at the nursing home came flooding back and it was so second nature I didn't bat an eye. I helped Beulah out of the chair and she was hovering over the toilet using both  hands on the Ermagherd! bar to keep from toppling over which left me with only one thing to do.....I had to pull down her pants and brief (read adult diaper). At that precise angle and the juxtaposition of the toilet, the alignment of the freakin' planets and the proximity of my face to Beulah's well endowed backside, the most horrendous thing happened. Oh NO my friends, you think you know what happened, but you have no idea, I only WISH it was what you're thinking! The action of my pulling down the brief caused a HUGE cloud of butt powder to billow out of the brief and COVER MY FREAKIN HEAD AND ARMS!!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! I wanted to freak out but I couldn't even react so I put Beula on the pot and told her I would be right back. I took that chance to go full Silkwood in the bathroom next door. When I looked in the mirror my face, hair and arms were covered in powder, BUTT powder!!! I scrubbed my face so hard with a towel my skin was all pink and shiny, my hair was wet and I just wanted to curl up in the corner and cry. I got Beulah all settled in her room and went back to the bullpen and told my story to my support group. One of the nurses jumped up and started doing a full disinfection, he was like Jacques the shrimp in Finding Nemo. As soon as Nurse Jacques was done with his cleaning I went right back to work and and within minutes found myself holding up a girl who had passed out after getting a shot. I was minding my own business when one of the other MA's yelled for me to help her. I went to the room she was in and she asked me to take a patient's blood pressure because the girl was feeling really woozy. While I was bent over putting the cuff on her arm she slumped onto me!! HUH? She was breathing and blinking but totally unresponsive. So I was left to hold the hold the girl up (she was in a chair) while the MA went to get a Dr.. Within minutes I found myself holding one of her legs elevated above her heart level (we laid her down) while the other MA held the other one and 3 doctors and 4 nurses tried to get this girl to come back from the depths of her mind. Talk about surreal! The fact that none of this made me once think that I hated my job made me really know that this is the right job for me.

Phew, that out of the way lets move on to what else is going on. Am I getting fatter? Seriously guys, I've cut my intake in half and the half I do eat is (mostly) healthy. I'm having the most bizarre experience in that my pants are getting bigger but my scrub tops seem to be getting tighter and those suckers don't shrink!  What the hells? Although I do seem to be super bloated so maybe that's the prob. I don't know :( I have not weighed myself in about a month and I must admit that I feel better in terms of energy and pride for my family for being so awesome about the whole change. I wonder if my body is still in shock and is trying to hold on to the fat? It could also be that the change of jobs and all the stress that's followed could have stalled me because I definitely feel like the bloat has happened since I started the job. Can I just say that my first two weeks on the job have seriously felt like months? I was thrown into chaos and the woman training me went into labor on Tuesday so basically I had three days of training in the office and then was thrown to the wolves to sink or swim. Not to brag but I'm SOOOO thankful I learn quickly because I would seriously have followed my trainer to the hospital, pulled that baby out and forced her to come back to finish my training. Back to the point at hand: What can I do to stimulate my metabolism? I need to regroup and start next week off with a new POV, now that school is in full swing and I'm familiar with my (2hr) commute I can start getting to bed early and getting up in enough time to resume a daily workout. Did I mention that the people I work with are INSANE health nuts so they make it easier to keep on the straight and narrow.

Confession: So most of you know I'm a shameless lover of reality shows. Weeellll; I was watching Beverly Hills Nannies and they had a colonic. So I looked up the benefits and it sounded interesting and a good way to clean the pipes of the left over oogies. Not that I'm sayin' I'm gonna go get flushed, but I've been thinking about it. Does anyone have a "friend" who has tried it in the past? I'm not sure it's something I'd really be willing to try but it's a thought. Is that TMI? Um, hello? Have you met me? You know I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I'm not trying to tell you what you want to hear, I'm just keeping it real up in the feel aight?

Well folks, that's the summary of my week. Let me know if you have any ideas about metabo boost or tips on life in general.

xoxo