OK, so I just have to share a story that is HORRIFYING and has nothing to do with the point of this blog, but I'm thinking that all the experiences I have in life make my successes or less than successes. So here it goes. * Insert wavy lines leading you back into my memory~then camera focuses clearly on this scene* Me, in a bathroom with an elderly woman (for this story we'll call her Beulah because I want to) in a wheel chair. Beulah cannot use the restroom by herself so I've offered to help a sista out. Memories of my short tenure at the nursing home came flooding back and it was so second nature I didn't bat an eye. I helped Beulah out of the chair and she was hovering over the toilet using both hands on the Ermagherd! bar to keep from toppling over which left me with only one thing to do.....I had to pull down her pants and brief (read adult diaper). At that precise angle and the juxtaposition of the toilet, the alignment of the freakin' planets and the proximity of my face to Beulah's well endowed backside, the most horrendous thing happened. Oh NO my friends, you think you know what happened, but you have no idea, I only WISH it was what you're thinking! The action of my pulling down the brief caused a HUGE cloud of butt powder to billow out of the brief and COVER MY FREAKIN HEAD AND ARMS!!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! I wanted to freak out but I couldn't even react so I put Beula on the pot and told her I would be right back. I took that chance to go full Silkwood in the bathroom next door. When I looked in the mirror my face, hair and arms were covered in powder, BUTT powder!!! I scrubbed my face so hard with a towel my skin was all pink and shiny, my hair was wet and I just wanted to curl up in the corner and cry. I got Beulah all settled in her room and went back to the bullpen and told my story to my support group. One of the nurses jumped up and started doing a full disinfection, he was like Jacques the shrimp in Finding Nemo. As soon as Nurse Jacques was done with his cleaning I went right back to work and and within minutes found myself holding up a girl who had passed out after getting a shot. I was minding my own business when one of the other MA's yelled for me to help her. I went to the room she was in and she asked me to take a patient's blood pressure because the girl was feeling really woozy. While I was bent over putting the cuff on her arm she slumped onto me!! HUH? She was breathing and blinking but totally unresponsive. So I was left to hold the hold the girl up (she was in a chair) while the MA went to get a Dr.. Within minutes I found myself holding one of her legs elevated above her heart level (we laid her down) while the other MA held the other one and 3 doctors and 4 nurses tried to get this girl to come back from the depths of her mind. Talk about surreal! The fact that none of this made me once think that I hated my job made me really know that this is the right job for me.
Phew, that out of the way lets move on to what else is going on. Am I getting fatter? Seriously guys, I've cut my intake in half and the half I do eat is (mostly) healthy. I'm having the most bizarre experience in that my pants are getting bigger but my scrub tops seem to be getting tighter and those suckers don't shrink! What the hells? Although I do seem to be super bloated so maybe that's the prob. I don't know :( I have not weighed myself in about a month and I must admit that I feel better in terms of energy and pride for my family for being so awesome about the whole change. I wonder if my body is still in shock and is trying to hold on to the fat? It could also be that the change of jobs and all the stress that's followed could have stalled me because I definitely feel like the bloat has happened since I started the job. Can I just say that my first two weeks on the job have seriously felt like months? I was thrown into chaos and the woman training me went into labor on Tuesday so basically I had three days of training in the office and then was thrown to the wolves to sink or swim. Not to brag but I'm SOOOO thankful I learn quickly because I would seriously have followed my trainer to the hospital, pulled that baby out and forced her to come back to finish my training. Back to the point at hand: What can I do to stimulate my metabolism? I need to regroup and start next week off with a new POV, now that school is in full swing and I'm familiar with my (2hr) commute I can start getting to bed early and getting up in enough time to resume a daily workout. Did I mention that the people I work with are INSANE health nuts so they make it easier to keep on the straight and narrow.
Confession: So most of you know I'm a shameless lover of reality shows. Weeellll; I was watching Beverly Hills Nannies and they had a colonic. So I looked up the benefits and it sounded interesting and a good way to clean the pipes of the left over oogies. Not that I'm sayin' I'm gonna go get flushed, but I've been thinking about it. Does anyone have a "friend" who has tried it in the past? I'm not sure it's something I'd really be willing to try but it's a thought. Is that TMI? Um, hello? Have you met me? You know I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I'm not trying to tell you what you want to hear, I'm just keeping it real up in the feel aight?
Well folks, that's the summary of my week. Let me know if you have any ideas about metabo boost or tips on life in general.
xoxo
Phew, that out of the way lets move on to what else is going on. Am I getting fatter? Seriously guys, I've cut my intake in half and the half I do eat is (mostly) healthy. I'm having the most bizarre experience in that my pants are getting bigger but my scrub tops seem to be getting tighter and those suckers don't shrink! What the hells? Although I do seem to be super bloated so maybe that's the prob. I don't know :( I have not weighed myself in about a month and I must admit that I feel better in terms of energy and pride for my family for being so awesome about the whole change. I wonder if my body is still in shock and is trying to hold on to the fat? It could also be that the change of jobs and all the stress that's followed could have stalled me because I definitely feel like the bloat has happened since I started the job. Can I just say that my first two weeks on the job have seriously felt like months? I was thrown into chaos and the woman training me went into labor on Tuesday so basically I had three days of training in the office and then was thrown to the wolves to sink or swim. Not to brag but I'm SOOOO thankful I learn quickly because I would seriously have followed my trainer to the hospital, pulled that baby out and forced her to come back to finish my training. Back to the point at hand: What can I do to stimulate my metabolism? I need to regroup and start next week off with a new POV, now that school is in full swing and I'm familiar with my (2hr) commute I can start getting to bed early and getting up in enough time to resume a daily workout. Did I mention that the people I work with are INSANE health nuts so they make it easier to keep on the straight and narrow.
Confession: So most of you know I'm a shameless lover of reality shows. Weeellll; I was watching Beverly Hills Nannies and they had a colonic. So I looked up the benefits and it sounded interesting and a good way to clean the pipes of the left over oogies. Not that I'm sayin' I'm gonna go get flushed, but I've been thinking about it. Does anyone have a "friend" who has tried it in the past? I'm not sure it's something I'd really be willing to try but it's a thought. Is that TMI? Um, hello? Have you met me? You know I calls 'em as I sees 'em. I'm not trying to tell you what you want to hear, I'm just keeping it real up in the feel aight?
Well folks, that's the summary of my week. Let me know if you have any ideas about metabo boost or tips on life in general.
xoxo
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